me 5 years ago: the internet isn’t your diary lmao
me now: what’s up, today i cried whilst eating a biscuit
American School System: We have given knowledge to the youth.
The doctors: You fucked up perfectly good children is what you did. look at them. they have anxiety.
Captain’s log, stardate 2259.55. We’ve completed our survey of the newly discovered Class M planet designated Nibiru. Intelligent life was observed. The species is primitive; indications of early language and even religion were noted. I thought it wise to stay off the planet altogether lest we somehow interfere with their way of life. If there’s one word I would use to describe this mission, it would be “uneventful.”
Museum security guard 1: Wait, did you hear something?
Museum security guard 2: Yeah, I think it came from the gift shop.
Me, who broke into the museum and had already stolen dozens of priceless artifacts but decided to stop by the gift shop to score a snow globe:
This is oddly specific.
